Monthly Archives: January 2011

I’ll settle for watching.

On the outside looking in — wishing I was cool enough to belong, but I’ll settle for watching. Always have. When the lights go down, I’m another faceless audience member, and we are all equal for a time. Pulled into … Continue reading

Posted in NWC, Poetry, Relationships Project, Theater | 2 Comments

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afraid of being wrong, afraid of making mistakes. frustrated because my brain doesn’t want to go there. stubborn, says “nope. not gonna go there.” doesn’t want to remember. doesn’t want to think about it. doesn’t want to be vulnerable, because … Continue reading

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Note: I wrote this the day of auditions for the Bathrobe Dramas. I didn’t get a part, but just showing up and auditioning was a big step for me! =) i’m going to play auditions tonight. got tired of sitting … Continue reading

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Survival

It’s hard to be real with others when you hide even from yourself. When you’ve perfected the art of blocking your true feelings so even you don’t know what they are. When you’ve lost yourself, don’t even know what you … Continue reading

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going back and forth, every which way, spinning, dizzy, who am i? it’s all too confusing, i don’t know anymore. the tough farm girl, independent, strong? determined to prove herself, do it all on her own? the scared, shy small … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry, Relationships Project | 6 Comments

Mother’s Wisdom

second-guess everything, take nothing at face value. this is what she’s taught me, above all else. people lie to be polite. if your outfit doesn’t match, if your hair is messy, if your shoes are a little beat up, if … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry, Relationships Project | 5 Comments

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living, really living, no more of this sitting-around-thinking, dreaming-great-dreams, hoping-and-planning-for-someday stuff. so pointless, to sit around dreaming without ever doing anything. i write and i plan and i think and i dream and i get so excited! and then i … Continue reading

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Perfectionism.

Perfectionism. Everything correct, Everything complete. Not one thing out of place. All in perfect order, Making perfect sense, Summed up clearly, Packaged neatly together. It’s hard to do on a project like this, Where there’s so much I still don’t … Continue reading

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How long have I stayed silent, kept the secrets, pretending it never happened? How long have I told the stories with a smile and a laugh, trivializing it like it was no big deal? How many times have I wished … Continue reading

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exposed.

here i stand, stripped of my pretenses, an open book. no more masks, no more walls to protect me, here i stand before you — vulnerable. no more pretending denying, avoiding… past hurts are once again fresh, and i am … Continue reading

Posted in Poetry, Relationships Project | 2 Comments